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Post by Dorothyl on Dec 23, 2005 9:13:45 GMT -5
THE INVITATION It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for & if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you ever have touched the centre of your own sorrow.
If you have opened to life's betrayals or have become shrivelled & closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without having to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness & let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers & toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic or remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful & therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday & if you source your life from it's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure yours & mine & still stand on the edge of the lake & shout the of the moon "yes"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get caught up after a night of grief & dispair, weary & bruised to the bone & do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand with me in the centre of the fire & not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself & if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments....
- Author Unknown
I found this very thought provoking!!
~D~
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perny
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 879
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Post by perny on Dec 27, 2005 23:31:45 GMT -5
Author! Author! I want to spend the rest of my life with this person! ;D
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mel1
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 955
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Post by mel1 on Mar 12, 2006 21:02:59 GMT -5
Thanks for this one Dorothy. I'm going to copy it and keep it with me often. Today it's just what I need to help me stay strong and the line that spoke volumes to me at this time is the one that says 'I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.' I've spent a rather lonely couple of days because I have indeed disappointed my partner and he's sulking/not speaking to me as is his habit. Yet I had to say what I said and know that I didn't say anything in an abusive fashion. I know his inability to deal with my emotions is his issue, not mine but I am always the one punished.
It's a long story but the short version is this. Tony and I don't live together though we've been together exclusively for seven years. The reason for our separateness is that he has a volatile temper and when we did move in together after two years, he tried to turn my family situation into what seemed like boot camp. Wanted to change all the rules in a family of women that had been alone together for about 7 years - he did this by rigid control and violent outbursts of temper. He wasn't physically abusive but extremely verbally abusive and would often break things/throw things when angry. We were miserable. It was damaging to my children so I asked him to move out and suggested we could work on these issues from separate abodes. He has improved quite a lot but then I 'm not sure if that's just because we're not under the same roof. People are so often different when we live with them.
Unfortunately for me this separateness also means that our time together is very limited and I work hard to maximize what time we have - obviously without taking away from the kids (who are almost grown up by now). Having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome makes things even more difficult as I have to write off mornings altogether - but that also means he has plenty of time of his own to do as he pleases. I know a lot of men would love to have that kind of 'freedom'.
The recurring issue is that when the weekends arrive he continues to spend a lot of time away from me. I may not see him until the evening on a Saturday and usually not before 3pm on a Sunday. He's simply out doing his own thing, visiting friends, shopping, etc. I've asked him repeatedly to try and work in with me a bit, meet me at least half way as I feel constantly deprived of time alone with him. He simply doesn't give me enough of himself - time, affection, intimacy (including sex). One of the biggest insults is that HE LIVES ACROSS THE ROAD!.
This Saturday past he arranged to go and discuss some computer problems (an obsession) with one of his friends and to be back to spend time with me early-ish in the afternoon. Earlyish turned out to be 7.30pm. I was angry, disappointed and felt incredibly disrespected. I told him so when he returned - without an apology; in fact he always acts as though everything is perfectly okay and nothing has happened - and he simply ignored me and sulked. As usual. I haven't seen him since. Considering that he hadn't even given me the courtesy of a phonecall to let me know he'd be letting me down, I thought that perhaps I should be the one sulking! We discussed this same issue only last weekend and he made no effort to do anything differently. However, I'm always in the wrong in these cases, too demanding etc.
You know what Dorothy? I know that I'm not placing many demands on him at all and I know that I've been treated badly. So I've stood my ground - angry, disappointed but, by my own actions, respectful of him. So here I am, disappointed myself for having disappointed his majesty - in order to be true to myself. I'm worth his time and effort. I stand firm but I suffer.
Thanks for listening. Any helpful comments from anyone would be gratefully accepted and listened to. Much love, Mel
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perny
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 879
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Post by perny on Mar 12, 2006 23:49:28 GMT -5
Gosh (((Mel))), I would wish more for you but that hardly helps. What amazes me is that your relationship lasted past the housing arrangement. His out of control anger and temper tantrums describe him as an adult with the coping skills of a child...making it even more difficult for me to imagine him capable of participating in a rewarding sexual relationship. I'm sorry sweetie, but my advice is to pat yourself on the back for raising your kids and the guy across the street and find yourself a real man. I would think you'd be exhausted after dealing with this type of mentality, regardless of your disorder. Enjoy the break, honey. love, Perny
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mel1
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 955
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Post by mel1 on Mar 13, 2006 5:06:45 GMT -5
Thank you so much Perny. Yes, it is exhausting, there's no doubt about it. I must admit I am mildly pleased with myself for getting my children to a better environment and staying there. I know that even if I die without having achieved the big R (lasting relationship with a man) I'll have done the right thing in that respect.
How are you going yourself, anyway, Perny? I'm starting to piece together bits of your story and am so impressed by your courage. One step away from homelessness - yes, I know how that feels and may even be a factor in keeping this man around. My thinking is clouded at the moment, me not being a very good thinker under emotional stress. Thoughts would keep going around and around to drive me mad if I let them - but I just don't let them anymore. I do wonder if I would feel as though my options were broader if finances weren't such a factor.
As you will be able to tell if you read my posts on the Every Woman Needs a Makeover thread, I don't hold out a lot of hope for finding too many real men in Australia. Blasted cynic that I am. Maybe I should get hold of a copy of Teresa's book, even after giving her a bit of a hard time about it! Contrary creatures sometimes, we women.
Thanks again for your thoughts. Much love, Mel
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Post by rhoda on Mar 13, 2006 7:46:47 GMT -5
Oh Mel, you are such a great mom! To put your kids first and kick his immature behind out the door is the work of a very strong woman. I have known other women who put their crappy relationships before their kids and in turn, their kids suffered more for it. Much praise to you. I hope you can see your inner strength as we do when we read your posts. You are much more worthy of someone who respects you instead of drains you. Been there, done that. There are good men out there, but you have to believe in yourself that you are worth it. Self-confidence and self-worth is like an inviting perfume to a good man. Standing up for your boundaries is admirable and not at all in the wrong to do so. Because you have CFS, you must place boundaries for health reasons due to the stress. He should be taking lessons from you in maturity and strength, then he would realize how lucky he truly is. Take care of yourself first. Much luv,
Rhoda aka Phoenix
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perny
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 879
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Post by perny on Mar 13, 2006 9:19:51 GMT -5
(((Mel))) I totally agree with Rhoda aka Phoenix. You are to be commended for 'protecting the nest'. Not every woman can do it...Love is a verb, ya know? :-/And Love is a choice. I'm anxious to read Teresa's book also but just imagine the math in conversion terms for an old girl! Lets see, 25 + 30...hmmmm maybe to attract a man over 55 I could do half the required homework assignments or maybe I'd have to do double? Gosh, maybe I can just find a nice available plastic surgeon and get all the work done at once? bwaaaaaaaaaa ;D I dont think your opinions on makeovers are hard. I think they're valid and adult. If you know the secret to getting 2 or more women to agree on one issue, then you should write that book ;D It's a shoe in to becoming a monumental literary success. Being able to express your personal opinions, free from critique or detracting rebuttle is just plain respect...feels good, doesn't it? love, Perny
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mel1
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 955
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Post by mel1 on Mar 13, 2006 21:33:20 GMT -5
So much love to you Phoenix and Perny, I feel a book writing spree coming on! I'll have to get back to you on all my thoughts about what you've said because I'm now having to run out the door. Story of my life - I'll get back to you this evening when i should be in bed. Ah, insomnia - my most constant and reliable bedfellow. Hugggggggzzzzz, Mel
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Post by pinkvibes on Mar 14, 2006 23:17:38 GMT -5
I think you are more than a strong woman Mel, you are a woman of power. Even with a chronic fatigue syndrome and a man like that, you are still holding on and trying. I commend you for all your efforts and putting your family first than yourself. You are a woman worthy of respect and if your man can't give that to you, he doesn't deserve you..I've heard Norwegians make good husbands because they treat their women like a queen and they are subservient too. If that is true, you should try a Norwegian instead...hehehe..just kidding..
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mel1
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 955
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Post by mel1 on Mar 15, 2006 3:19:03 GMT -5
Hey Rachelle, You are so cute sometimes and never fail to make me smile. You must be such fun to hang out with. Thanks for your uplifting words and most especially for the tip on Norwegians! Sounds like a plan. Congratulations on winning the contest. Your positivity has shone through the screen these past weeks. Look forward to knowing you some more. Love Mel
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perny
Extreme Diva Godess
Posts: 879
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Post by perny on Mar 15, 2006 4:33:49 GMT -5
What a great thread. Thanks D ... and (((Rachelle))), you've been posting here for how long? and sitting on that Norwegian secret? I might be absent from the boards for awhile....have to dye my hair blonde and purchase some mountain climbing equipment. ;D Do yall know anybody who does tune ups on brooms? I have to get my transportation to Norway in good shape. ;)Thanks for the tip you sweetie pie. Love, Perny
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Post by rhoda on Mar 15, 2006 7:59:00 GMT -5
If "Sven" gives great massages that make me want to shout from the top of the Alps, I'm in. I'm going off to practice my yodelling right now. Funny how this Norwegian thought reminds me of Ricola cough drops and the Mountain Climber game on the Price is Right. (lol) Do de do de do de do dedodedo......... Luv,
Phoenix
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radley
Junior Member
Posts: 18
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Post by radley on Mar 24, 2006 8:34:17 GMT -5
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radley
Junior Member
Posts: 18
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Post by radley on Mar 24, 2006 8:40:08 GMT -5
here's another of her's- The Call
I have heard it all my life, A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper. Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep. There's no safety in that!
Remember what you are and let this knowing take you home to the Beloved with every breath.
Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing colour the shape of your humanness.
There is no where to go. What you are looking for is right here. Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.
There is no waiting for something to happen, no point in the future to get to. All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.
You are wearing yourself out with all this searching. Come home and rest.
How much longer can you live like this? Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles. All this trying. Give it up!
Let yourself be one of the God-mad, faithful only to the Beauty you are.
Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close, dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.
Remember- there is one word you are here to say with your whole being. When it finds you, give your life to it. Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.
Spend yourself completely on the saying. Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.
© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Call, Harper Collins, 2003
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Post by Dorothyl on Mar 24, 2006 19:13:50 GMT -5
Very, Very nice girl....Thank you so much for sharing these poems with us. Hugggzzz~D~
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