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Post by nirims on Jun 11, 2008 12:34:47 GMT -5
I am new member i have introduced myself in the new to the forum message board portal.
i was just looking for some relationship help on the net and i stumbled upon this site.
Looks very helpful and i trust i would get help that i need
i have lot of issues at my home. But i would just quote the recent incident as it is bothering me right now.
I live with my husband and MIL. right now my husband has left me alone in my room and is sleeping in the hall. good for me gotta a chance to vent out here. It all started today when my MIL served my husband what she cooked in the morning and ignored my dish which i prepared after a hard day @ work. when i confronted it ended up in a fight. I opened and spoke to my MIL first time in 2 yrs. I often find she does this to me. and i find my husband very supportive to her ONLY. i find this very hurting and i wonder what is my purpose in this home, i just don't like returning home anymore. i feel like a third person and i am being treated like a third person here. actually my fingers a thirsty to go on and on and on i am just stopping here hoping it would provide some clue of what i am undergoing right now. Would feel happy and listened to if i have some ears.
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Post by Dorothyl on Jun 11, 2008 15:40:49 GMT -5
Huggzz Nirims
It sounds like three is a crowd where you are. It is hard enough balancing a relationship without another person interfering.
I am not sure what your culture protocol is over there when a MIL is involved, so my thoughts are going to be based on the American/Canadian culture.
You have waited 2 years to defend your position in your marriage...that is going to be a point against yo , as your MIL has now some bad habits that are working against you.
It is not impossible but it will take more effort and more patience.
I would personally take her aside and let her know in a very thankful voice that you are the wife and it is your commitment to share the responsibilities in your marriage to your husband. Also that you thank her for all that she has done to this point.
I would then talk to your partner and explain how vital it is for you and him to be married in all aspects. Also that his Mother is more than welcome but your place as his wife is being lessened due to her need to be his mother.
This is a very touchy subject and you will have to handle her with silk gloves as to not give her anything to use against you.
A man should not have to even be told that his place is with his wife and not his mother.
She had a husband to be there for her...this is place not hers. Also you can divide the meals with her so that she can still be a part of things.
A balance is definitely needed when there are more than 2 people involved in a household.
I hope that I have helped you somewhat.
Huggz ~D~
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Post by powerhse82 on Jul 16, 2008 7:55:24 GMT -5
Ok, I have thought about this. Now, I suggest you talk to both of them at the same time. Do not forget to use the "I" statements! "I feel hurt" or "I feel left out" you get it. You will also learn that part of being a mother is making life easier for your kids. Perhaps she is trying to do that. Perhaps it is what makes her feel useful. Is she married, divorced, widowed? That will make a big difference in her own level of self esteem. Why have you not spoken to her in 2 yrs? That does not seem like a good thing since you are living in the same household. Try to talk to her as a daughter. Ask her to "teach you" how to make some of her "trademark dishes" Tell her that once a week you would like to make dinner for her. Or let her make the breakfast and you make the dinner, but you have to talk about it...communication! Take her out to lunch Without the hubby/son! The point is that the two of you need to have some sort of relationship that does not include him. You say you feel like a third wheel, bet she does too! You do not have to be her best friend. But she did give you the love of your life...Thank her for that sometime and tell her what a good mom she is. See what happens! Blessings, Val
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