|
Post by pherrera0303 on Aug 30, 2008 13:49:00 GMT -5
Hi, everyone im new to the boared ...i need some advice
Me and my fiance have been together for 4 1/2 years , and i love him with all my heart . I do have very low self -esteem and i struggle with it everyday .. Im always trying to not let it get me down i just think to myself that im over reacting ..well anyway Me and my fiance have never ever gone out without each other ..we go everywhere he also has even discribed us as being like a team .. (very cute) well recently he said that he had been thinking to go out and grab a beer with one of his work buddies who is 26 and single .. and in my head that spell trouble because of the fact that he is with this young single guy at a bar , and more than likely there are going to be women .. i cant stop the other guy from maybe inviting someone to there table or starting conversations with the women there .. and it makes me very scared that he might get tempted to do the same.... (by the way he is a very fun loving and wonderful person , he make friends everywhere he goes)...do you think that i am over reacting ? Has anyone else been in the same situation ?any advice would help ..
|
|
|
Post by Mimi FGAY on Sept 4, 2008 1:18:10 GMT -5
Hi there,
So sorry nobody responded to your tread yet. Welcome to the forum.
I just to feel the same way about my husband going out with friends. He is a ladies man. He admits it. He prefers to have female to male friends. But the same goes for me. I prefer male to female friends. So I can't complain...(just kidding about the complaining).
Does you fiance give you the impression that he might do the things you think he's going to do? Men like to hang with their friends and if you deny him that he'll end up being upset with you and that's when arguments start.
Worrying is something that happens in your head. It has no use... the only thing it does is upset you. All you can do is deal with what happens.
Show him you trust him and if he betrays that trust, that's when you take action.
I hope this helps.
Love, Mimi
|
|
|
Post by Dorothyl on Sept 4, 2008 15:41:08 GMT -5
Hello & welcome! I too am sorry that I have missed this post...I have been tied up with reorganizing the forum and website...sooo I can safely say that I have not ignored you without cause.
Getting to your question....
I think you are overreacting and that is not unexpected considering up to this point your partner has always had you accompany him in a social setting.
You are his fiance...you are going to commit to this man.....you should have a trust level already in place.
If your fiance has character and a standard of class which I am sure he does or you would not be considering sharing your life with him...I doubt very much that even if his friend speaks to other women that your fiance will be tempted to do anything different than if you were there by his side.
Be careful not to make him feel untrusted...that will cause unnecessary defensive reactions from him.
You should go out with a girlfriend that same evening....enjoy yourself as you....try not to fall into that trap of identifying who you are through your partner. This doe happen to one or the other when two people spend every minute together.
I hope that we have managed to lighten your worry somewhat.
I look forward to your thoughts!
Huggz~D~
|
|
|
Post by pherrera0303 on Sept 4, 2008 17:13:26 GMT -5
Thanks so much for your responses .. i agree i am over reacting ..and we have talked about it since i have posted this question ... and i agreed to let him hang out with his friends to just let me know when he will be doing those things.. i did let him know that it will be very hard for me the first few times he has the opportunity to hang with his friends .. its not that i dont trust him i do , but i tend to look way more into things than needed..i always think of the what if's.. but than also he's a grown man and he knows what is right from wrong...
Thanks guys
|
|
|
Post by Dorothyl on Sept 7, 2008 7:55:56 GMT -5
Huggz girl
Now that is a much more positive way to look at life.
We cannot control anyone else but ourselves. We are not here to judge anyone or dictate to them.
In a relationship we must work very hard on allowing our partners to fall all on their own as they should allow us the same in turn.
When one partner begins to take control of the other....nothing is balanced...the entire commitment of equal respect is gone thus leaving one partner very unhappy.
A relationship is not meant to controlling, unhappy or destructive. It is meant to be healthy, enjoyable, fair, and positive!
If we stop and think first then be very careful in choosing our battles, we will save ourselves a lot of unnecessary worries and assumptions!
Huggzzz~D~
|
|
ellen
Full Member
Posts: 46
|
Post by ellen on Sept 7, 2008 13:10:31 GMT -5
Dear Pherrera,
I think that you are probably over-reacting. At a minimum, I would say you are reading into the possibilities of what may or may not happen. You can't observe your fiance 24/7; it's just a simple fact. The relationship has to involve mutual trust.
Even if the two of you were already married, there would still be times where he would need some space, and presumably, so would you. I would not read too much into him wanting to grab a beer after work.
hugs, Ellen
|
|
ellen
Full Member
Posts: 46
|
Post by ellen on Sept 7, 2008 13:13:26 GMT -5
Oops! I see that D and Mimi already responded.
|
|
|
Post by Dorothyl on Sept 9, 2008 5:28:18 GMT -5
Huggz Ellen
It is quite alright to reply.. no matter how many people have already replied. There is no number of replies allowed for anyones post.
Womensselfesteem.com's forum is all about support in any way that we can. We are also strength in numbers and it is very nice to read a few more members thoughts on certain issues!
So never ever feel that your thoughts are not welcome or are too late.
I truly wish more women would gain enough confidence to share their thoughts, as what they have to say is important, supporting and vital to someone out there.
Have a very positive day!
~D~
|
|