Post by Dorothyl on Aug 24, 2005 5:49:25 GMT -5
I ran across this and thought it was worth sharing.
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There's Nothing So Important to a Woman Than a Woman Friend
Where would any woman be without women friends? I can't imagine, and I don't want to. We don't just share each others' lives, we often mirror them. Sometimes, a friend will even pave the way for what lies ahead, with advice on everything from marriage to pregnancy to parenting to menopause to how to put together a make- ahead dinner party for eight.
I remember, before the birth of my first child, a friend, Evelyn, who already had three kids, said to me, "There will be times when you will want to throw that baby out a window." After my son was born, I realized what she meant. There were times, after being up all night with a crying child, that I wanted to give up on motherhood. I took her advice and called her instead. She never failed me. There was always sympathy and advice and a good laugh or two to put everything in perspective.
In the early days of my marriage, when we had first moved to the Connecticut countryside, Evelyn saved me from myself. Fairly new to baking, I plunged into making Christmas cookies with abandon. I was grinding almonds, hand-decorating cutouts and making elaborate jam- filled Ischler Torten and homemade gingerbread.
Up to my elbows in cookie dough, I barely managed to maneuver the phone to my ear when it rang. When Evelyn said, "Hi, how are you?" I told her how frazzled I was and that I didn't think I could get through the next 10 equally complicated recipes.
"Hold everything," she said. "I'm on my way." She arrived a few minutes later with a small file box filled with cookie recipes. She pulled out six or seven of her best and easiest. I still bake some of them.
She was there when I had my babies, she was there when my best friend died of cancer and when my Dad lay dying in the hospital. She was just there.
You build memories with friends. First date. First prom. First college acceptance. First heartbreak. First job.
Women friends can reach across age barriers. One of my best friends, Elaine, is old enough, chronologically, to be my mother, yet we are totally in sync about work and writing and the importance of family. And we can always make each other laugh. Ann is another friend like that, a mentor and editor who encourages and cajoles me into doing more, doing better.
Contemporaries are great because you go through things together. My girlfriend Linda and I both were not nominated for high school prom queen at the same time. This was handy, because we were able to cry together. We cried almost as much over our first gray hairs.
Younger women friends are good, too, because they add new perspective and clear up the cobwebs of what could become stodgy thinking by challenging your basic premises. Sometimes you even have advice to hand out to them, attempting (usually in vain) to save them from some of the mistakes you've made yourself.
What is unique about women friends is that they can often speak in code -- or not at all -- and still understand each other. Perfectly. For example, you and your friend are in a room where a man, instead of depositing a piece of paper in a wastebasket, attempts to slam-dunk it, causing it to land practically at your feet. No words are necessary here. Just a knowing glance at each other and a stifled guffaw.
Or you are on yet another new, trendy, practically painless diet, and your friend invites you to lunch. While she digs into an open- face steak sandwich with fries, you slowly chew on the four boiled shrimp, two pieces of lettuce and four wheat thins your diet allows. You sigh. She stops eating long enough to tell you how thin you look. Really.
Women friends can be a conscience or a cheering section, a sounding board, a sister, sometimes even your mother. They make you feel connected to the community of women. Their biological rhythms flow like yours and mine.
I think the true test of friendship is that no topic is either too monumental or too trivial to be shared. Take my friend Holly. Without missing a beat, she and I can segue from a discussion of the state of the American theater into a strategic plan for how we're going to satisfy a chocaholic urge.
By JOYCE GABRIEL, Stamford Advocate
Source: Buffalo News
********************************************
There's Nothing So Important to a Woman Than a Woman Friend
Where would any woman be without women friends? I can't imagine, and I don't want to. We don't just share each others' lives, we often mirror them. Sometimes, a friend will even pave the way for what lies ahead, with advice on everything from marriage to pregnancy to parenting to menopause to how to put together a make- ahead dinner party for eight.
I remember, before the birth of my first child, a friend, Evelyn, who already had three kids, said to me, "There will be times when you will want to throw that baby out a window." After my son was born, I realized what she meant. There were times, after being up all night with a crying child, that I wanted to give up on motherhood. I took her advice and called her instead. She never failed me. There was always sympathy and advice and a good laugh or two to put everything in perspective.
In the early days of my marriage, when we had first moved to the Connecticut countryside, Evelyn saved me from myself. Fairly new to baking, I plunged into making Christmas cookies with abandon. I was grinding almonds, hand-decorating cutouts and making elaborate jam- filled Ischler Torten and homemade gingerbread.
Up to my elbows in cookie dough, I barely managed to maneuver the phone to my ear when it rang. When Evelyn said, "Hi, how are you?" I told her how frazzled I was and that I didn't think I could get through the next 10 equally complicated recipes.
"Hold everything," she said. "I'm on my way." She arrived a few minutes later with a small file box filled with cookie recipes. She pulled out six or seven of her best and easiest. I still bake some of them.
She was there when I had my babies, she was there when my best friend died of cancer and when my Dad lay dying in the hospital. She was just there.
You build memories with friends. First date. First prom. First college acceptance. First heartbreak. First job.
Women friends can reach across age barriers. One of my best friends, Elaine, is old enough, chronologically, to be my mother, yet we are totally in sync about work and writing and the importance of family. And we can always make each other laugh. Ann is another friend like that, a mentor and editor who encourages and cajoles me into doing more, doing better.
Contemporaries are great because you go through things together. My girlfriend Linda and I both were not nominated for high school prom queen at the same time. This was handy, because we were able to cry together. We cried almost as much over our first gray hairs.
Younger women friends are good, too, because they add new perspective and clear up the cobwebs of what could become stodgy thinking by challenging your basic premises. Sometimes you even have advice to hand out to them, attempting (usually in vain) to save them from some of the mistakes you've made yourself.
What is unique about women friends is that they can often speak in code -- or not at all -- and still understand each other. Perfectly. For example, you and your friend are in a room where a man, instead of depositing a piece of paper in a wastebasket, attempts to slam-dunk it, causing it to land practically at your feet. No words are necessary here. Just a knowing glance at each other and a stifled guffaw.
Or you are on yet another new, trendy, practically painless diet, and your friend invites you to lunch. While she digs into an open- face steak sandwich with fries, you slowly chew on the four boiled shrimp, two pieces of lettuce and four wheat thins your diet allows. You sigh. She stops eating long enough to tell you how thin you look. Really.
Women friends can be a conscience or a cheering section, a sounding board, a sister, sometimes even your mother. They make you feel connected to the community of women. Their biological rhythms flow like yours and mine.
I think the true test of friendship is that no topic is either too monumental or too trivial to be shared. Take my friend Holly. Without missing a beat, she and I can segue from a discussion of the state of the American theater into a strategic plan for how we're going to satisfy a chocaholic urge.
By JOYCE GABRIEL, Stamford Advocate
Source: Buffalo News